Of my parents, the most difficult to relate to was my mother; yet the most rewarding journey awaited me at the end of her life, while taking care of her. I am so glad that I took the road less traveled, yet often not taken by many!
Dutiful Servant or a Son/Daughter Who is Loved?
My mother was the disciplinarian of both my parents; and because of that, I was never quite sure how she felt about me. The only time emotions were shown was during times of discipline or disappointment in the way my siblings and I performed our duties. Though I know she cared for us by doing household things and personal things for us, I never really felt close to her. She did not allow herself to show her shortcomings or be vulnerable. She was very organized, a hard worker and very good at her job; performing her duties well, including teaching Sunday school classes, as did my father. She taught us the do’s and don’ts of life according to what she was taught by her parents.
The affectionate one was my father; he showed his love for us with hugs and kisses and providing for us too. And though he let us down many times in his life, the outward affection he showed to us, somehow seemed to make us love him more. He was the approachable one of my two parents.
Through the years, I became a dutiful, performance driven, regimented person, much like my mother; yet she instilled in me perseverance and tenacity and doing a job well. There were many fun-filled times as a family and our mother was quite a character; her siblings called her 'Monkey.'
The affectionate one was my father; he showed his love for us with hugs and kisses and providing for us too. And though he let us down many times in his life, the outward affection he showed to us, somehow seemed to make us love him more. He was the approachable one of my two parents.
Through the years, I became a dutiful, performance driven, regimented person, much like my mother; yet she instilled in me perseverance and tenacity and doing a job well. There were many fun-filled times as a family and our mother was quite a character; her siblings called her 'Monkey.'
A Journey Less Traveled
The latter two years of my mother’s life, proved to be a treasure for me. At the time of her passing, I found out from her sisters, why she did the things she did and I am still learning from that experience. My mother was very controlling; and while my husband and I cared for her, I discovered my actions were just as controlling; in order to protect myself, just as she did. Both of my parents could only give to me what they themselves were given. I am so grateful to my Father for giving to me this opportunity to face some things that I never realized I needed to face about me. I no longer had a wall up in my heart against what I could not change about my parents; I received healing in my own heart. A freedom came into me. Our Heavenly Father knows best!
I admit that at times, it was very difficult living there, with all the medical and physical demands as well as the emotional times, yet Father’s presence was with us and He taught me a lot about myself, the physical and spiritual body; and His ways were becoming mine. His love was melting the hindrances that kept my heart closed, keeping me at a distance. In short, Father revealed Himself to me as a loving and caring Father, who I can trust. I began to see my mother in a way, I had never seen before. The little girl, who He loved, who belonged to Him, was not only me but my mother. We are all His children, who often live out our life trapped within, due to varied experiences along life’s journey. Some of these experiences are not brought on by our own selves. Yet, loving one another through His eyes is possible, if we will allow ourselves to trust again. Through forgiveness and yielding ourselves, He will restore us to the innocence of a child all over again. He led me to the wilderness, to speak tenderly to me! (This is possible for you as well.)
Let the Milk Come Down!
When I discovered God as my loving Father, everything changed; love is still restoring me, and I am now compelled by love, not duty. I am no longer an orphan, I am a daughter, loved, accepted and affirmed, for who I am in Him, not for what I can do! I belong to Abba, through love.
Our experiences with or without our mother can cause the opposite effect that our Father never originally intended for us. For it is with our mother that we first receive a sense of safety, security and trust. Father is both Father and Mother to us and He wants to be a Father to us and fulfill love deficits that life experiences have caused. It is beneficial for us to rest our physical body, as He quiets us with His love and allow Him to restore our soul, to receive from our Father’s nurturing presence. Father is a nurturing, comforting, loving and compassionate Father, like an earthly Mother and Father is meant to be to us.
When a mother is breast feeding a child, the milk comes down, filling the breast with the life giving food that nurtures and satisfies. If tense and stressed, the milk stops flowing. Father created this to be a comforting and nurturing experience for the child and the mother. When tense or stressed, not at rest, the milk will often stop flowing down. This protects the child from receiving the chemicals that are released through stress. He is a loving and protecting Father; and even in this, His design for us is best!
Love is the greatest motivator, like no other; we were created for love. A loving gaze, a tender touch, an affectionate tone of voice, a fragrant aroma, and a sweet taste will open the door into the heart of a child, affirming and giving value. Through all five senses trust is built into a child.
We can only give what we have first received, we can receive the gift of love and keep receiving as if it were the first time, every moment of every day! His love is outrageously vast as an ocean for you and for me; every day is a new day with God!
So, do not let your hearts be troubled. Do not close your heart to the One who loves you most through an act of un-forgiveness on your part. Some things are just too difficult for you to understand. Unlock the door that blocks your blessing and unstop the flow of nurturing made for freedom, for intimacy, for trust again.
Forgiveness is one of the entrances to the greatness God has for us. It requires a humble heart, of gratitude, recognizing we can do nothing without Him; and often times we find that the one who we believe has wronged us, becomes the one who holds the key to our success!
Forgiveness is one of the entrances to the greatness God has for us. It requires a humble heart, of gratitude, recognizing we can do nothing without Him; and often times we find that the one who we believe has wronged us, becomes the one who holds the key to our success!
Allow Him to lead you to the still waters and restore your soul. Dreams and promises are still alive in the reservoir of still waters for you!
Psalms 22:9-10, 23, 27:10, 68:5, 139:13-24, Isaiah 49:15-16, 58:12, 66:11-13, Jeremiah 1:5; 31:3, Zephaniah 3:17, Matthew 6:15,11:28-30, John 14:1,8,11, 2Cor. 6:18, Acts 17:28, Hebrews 13:5-6,
I John 4:16-19
And so today and during this month that we honor our mothers, I lovingly honor the mother that my Father gave to me with more than a dutiful heart, Salome Maude Garrison Cooper:
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| Me and my siblings, I'm the youngest. Our mother always dressed us up pretty! |
My mother was an incredible woman of great beauty, who, as a young woman, actually won the Miss Elk City contest in Oklahoma. She had great courage, strength, tenacity, and perseverance, facing every obstacle with extreme bravery and with a creative style; wise with her money and a great steward of time, possessions, very selfless, faithful and forgiving, and supportive to many causes; and she honored her mother and father and those in authority, in her life.
By Deborah Fisher, Daddy God's Little Girl
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